(English) The Space between Mother and Daughter

Kim Jiyoun, a relationship expert who has been loved by many for her deep empathy, insight, honesty and pleasantness, has reached out to readers this time with The Space Between Mother and Daughter, a book on the relationship and conflicts between a mother and her daughter. The relationship of a mother and daughter is the closest in the world, so at first glance, it seems peaceful. But the world of these two women is one where they hurt each other despite loving each other, they are affectionate yet frustrated, and grateful yet resentful. Simply put, it is a delicate and complicated world intertwined with love and hatred. The mother-daughter relationship dominates the entire lives of the two people, mother and daughter, but it particularly has a significant influence on how the daughter dates, marries, raises her children, and engages in human relationships. So, when they have trouble in this relationship, it manifests itself as various life problems.

In this book, the writer confesses how she unexpectedly encountered her relationship with her late mother while searching for the cause of severe insomnia from which she had suffered since having a midlife crisis. She explores the relationship with her mother, which had started off on the wrong foot, and into the general emotional emptiness that sprouted from that relationship. This experience later drew her to the general mother-daughter relationship and led to her insights on how the mother-daughter conflicts were expressed in Korean sentiment and culture. The writer diagnoses a wide range of problems that commonly exists between a mother and daughter: from the mother’s illusion that her daughter would naturally stand in solidarity with her just because she also is a woman and the invisible violence this exerts, to bad communication methods, such as the mother’s double entendre, which confuses the daughter, and the gaslighting that is tacitly conducted, and finally how all this is then repeated and passed down to the daughter’s daughter (son). She also presents clear solutions to resolve such problems, like keeping a certain distance between mother and daughter—ways for them to become independent so that they both can be healthy and ways to communicate emotions. The book presents solutions and affectionately cheers and sympathizes with all women, who are at once a daughter and a mother, in the process of discovering what it means to be themselves and understanding the meaning of true self-love.

(Japanese) 母娘の世界

世界で一番近い、だから一見平和に見える母と娘の間。しかし、この母と娘の世界は複雑で微妙な世界でもある。母と娘の関係は二人の人生全般を支配し、大きな影響を与えるため、この関係に問題がある場合、様々な人生の問題に表れる。著者もまた、歪んだ母親との関係とそれによって芽生えた内面の欠乏を悟ることになる。その後、母と娘の葛藤がどのように表れるかを洞察するようになった著者は、ただ同じ女性であるという理由だけで娘が自分と連帯してくれると信じる母親の錯覚とその目に見えない暴力性、娘を混乱させる母親の二重メッセージなど、母と娘の間によく存在する様々な問題を診断し、これに対する明快な解決策も提示する。

세상에서 가장 가까운 그래서 얼핏 평화로워 보이는 엄마와 딸 사이. 하지만 이러한 모녀의 세계는 사랑하면서도 상처 주고, 고마우면서도 원망스러운 복잡미묘한 세계이기도 하다. 모녀 관계는 두 사람의 인생 전반을 지배하며 큰 영향을 미치기 때문에 이 관계에 어려움이 있을 경우 다양한 삶의 문제로 표출된다. 

저자 역시 중년에 찾아온 극심한 불면증의 원인을 찾다 어긋났던 엄마와의 관계와 그로 인해 싹튼 내면의 결핍을 깨닫게 된다. 이후 모녀 갈등이 어떻게 드러나는지 통찰하게 된 저자는 단지 같은 여자라는 이유로 딸이 자신과 연대해주리라 믿는 엄마의 착각과 그 보이지 않는 폭력성, 딸을 혼란스럽게 하는 엄마의 이중메시지 등 모녀 사이에 흔히 존재하는 다양한 문제를 진단하고, 이에 대한 명쾌한 해법도 제시한다.